Going steady – excerpt, part 3

I talked about how special their daughter was to me. I talked about how I had been looking for her for my entire life. I talked about how complete she made me feel and how I couldn’t imagine living without her. I talked about how welcome I felt in their family’s home, how thankful I was to have people looking out for me when I was so far from my own family. I talked about how I wanted to take care of their daughter and be at her side forever.

I spoke in English, and every few sentences I paused to let my girlfriend translate for her parents. While she translated I would look over at her brother, who speaks fluent English, and try to guess what was going through his mind. He was staring at me, watching intently to see what I would say and how I would act. I never asked him what he was thinking that night, but I imagine it was some combination of, “I’ll have to do this someday too,” and “This guy better be good to my sister.”

While my girlfriend translated I also thought about her parents, especially about her father. How was he taking all of this? Would he feel insulted that my family was not here to do this in the proper Turkish way? Would he feel insulted that instead of speaking to the head of my family, someone his own age, he had to listen to a strange foreign kid speaking a foreign tongue? I was doing my best that night, but I worried that my best would not be good enough. I worried that my girlfriend’s father would not feel like I was respecting him properly.

I had nothing to worry about though. When I finished my speech, I asked if they would accept me into their family, and they burst out with proud, happy, warm laughter, stood up, threw their arms around me, and said, “Welcome to the family.”

At that point the adrenaline drained from my body and I wanted to collapse from relief and emotional exhaustion. I didn’t know what to do next. Fortunately this ceremony too ended abruptly. The deed was done. There was no need to draw it out. My girlfriend grabbed my hand and took me outside for a walk around the neighborhood to breathe in the fresh night air. We walked past video stores open late and green grocers whose neat piles of oranges I found strangely peaceful and reassuring. We went to a nearby tea garden where we could sit and unwind and watch ships float past on the Bosphorus.

When we got back to the house, I entered with a mixture of pride and self-conscious embarrassment, not knowing what to expect. But jackets and ties were off, collars were open, and the TV was on. I was family now.

…

[This is an excerpt from the chapter “Going steady” in A Tight Wide-open Space.]